Winnings

Just updating that in the last 2 weeks we won 4 tickets to NKOTB from 97.1, tickets to Bert Keischer from Euclid Records, and the early entry to the auto show from Fox 2. Much appreciating the blessings.

Concerts

2.3.2018       Avenged Sevenfold with Bullet For My Valentine  in Evansville, IN Ford Center
3.3.2018      Slaves
3.13.2018    Motionless in White with Ice Nine Kills, Like Moths to Flames in Columbia, MO Blue Note
5.4.2018     u2 at Scottrade Center 
5.12.2018   Pointfest 2018 at Riverport - Alice in Chains, Shinedown, STP, Candlebox
5.25.2018   Ghost    at Peabody Opera House
7.3.2018     Warped Tour - Riverport Ampitheater Motionless in White, Ice Nine Kills, Chelsea Grin
7.7.2018     Evanescence with Lindsey Stirling at Riverport Ampitheater
7.14.2018   Rob Zombie & Marilyn Manson at Riverport Ampitheater
8.5.2018      Slaves at Fubar
9.6.2018     Ed Sheeran at Busch Stadium
9.16.2018   Beck at Fox Theater
9.18.2018   Bullet For My Valentine at the Pageant
9.22.2018   Stone Sour at the Pageant
9.25.2018   Ded, The Word Alive, Bless the Fall at Delmar Hall

Hopeless

SO - winnings, I won tickets to Beck on Friday for yesterdays performance. He was outstanding and I'm thankful for the distraction. Also Saturday we went to the Blues training camp so I was happy but ...

Friday they found an aneurysm developing in my brain and I'm just worn to the end. I can't process why this is happening to me. My car is on it's last leg as well and all of my efforts are just trying to stay alive so I'm just at the end of my rope. I wish I could pull together some hope but the barrel is just so empty. I don't want to give up but I just don't know how much fight I've got left.

July 2018 - a crazy month

So it's July 8 and already there's been so much going on. July 3 was the final Warped Tour. We (me, Jen, Boo) got up so early and headed out to Hollywood Casino Amphitheater. We were in a position that as luck had it, we were the first ones in. We cruised to find the lineups for the day and headed to the Mutant Stage sections (red/white). The white one is where we planted ourselves. Sharptooth was up first and I was excited to see a band with a female lead. Then it fell flat for me. I feel that if you use your platform to get out your feelings -yay. By any and all means, heal yourself. For me - this 'me too' movement is simply a male bashing agenda removing due process is disgusting. I'm all for equality. Of sexes, gender identities, orientations, etc. But the very second it takes an unjust and un-American turn - I'm irritated. So to see this ...what I feel was male bashing and feeling of a forceful pro Queer rant. I tuned out. It wore me thin and then just had this taste of nasty in my mouth. I was anxious for it to be over. Forceful acceptance is what turns many people off. I feel if you live life as you wish and be respectful of dissenting opinions and have meaningful conversations you could alter the dialogue. Seemingly forcing it down someone's throat is not okay. So when they were done - I was elated.

Chelsea Grin was next and their set was great. THEN it was our boys Ice Nine Kills. They killed as we knew they would but all of us were all exhausted right then. We sought shade and rested for a bit before our real real real loves came on and then we assumed our front row right side space for Motionless in White. It was hot and the crowd was so large but we gave it our all and so did they. It was perfect but with that, we were done. We'd had plans to see more bands but exhaustion set in and we left.

The 4th was miserable because Bronson is so deathly afraid of fireworks.

Yesterday - July 7 I got a phone call from 104.9 and they said I'd won front row for Evanescence. At first I thought I'd just sell them but I was super excited of the thought of going as it was an orchestra backed show. So I got ready and we headed there. At first I was ok if I missed the opener I'd thought. I'd never heard of Lindsey Stirling but from the moment she stepped on stage, I was impressed. She's a beautiful artist and performer. Amy Lee came out for one song and just seeing her I was unexpectedly overcome with emotions. She's a soul with a voice that transforms life for even a moment. Lindsey was amazing. Evanescence/Amy Lee was phenomenal. Just breath taking to watch and hear. I'm in awe of artists who can be better live than on studio produced & mastered recordings. But she was everything anyone could've expected and then some. I sit here today glad I didn't sell the tickets. I do enjoy winning things but this win really touched me in so may ways. And I needed this right now.

On the 13th I go to the regular doctor but on the 16th I go to the rheumatologist and I'm afraid to be honest. I've read up on this for months now and I'm just preparing myself for the worst. I sort of want to hear the reality of this shit I'm up against. Will this be what eventually ends my life? Is it far off? I increased my life insurance because I'm just nervous. Who will love Jen, the kids, Heather and Bronson if I'm gone sooner than later? It's so scary but I guess that's life. We don't know when it is and it's better that way I suppose. I don't want to be morbid but I want to be as real with myself as I can.

Between the two doctors appointments we (me, Jen, Boo) are going to see Zombie/Manson on the 14th. I'm sure it will be awesome-ish. I haven't seen Manson without Twiggy so it's bitter for me. Zombie makes the Boo so happy so I'm excited to be there with her. I hope it's a blast. ♥

April-June

So my calendar says:

April 5th a big group of us went to the Shake Shack and headed to see A Quiet Place. Both were fun times with good friends. I loved it. I tried to set up subsequent dinner & movies but unsuccessfully. What did come from it though was a friendship with Meg that I can feel is such a lifelong friend. So, totally worth it. On the 21st Cliff, Shannon and Andrew came up and went to Stacie's wedding the 20th. My car was dying out and getting there safely didn't seem possible. On Saturday we went to Chuck E Cheese's and had such a great time. It was good to seem him having so much fun and I loved being there with them. Toward the end of the month we finally saw Black Panther and I loved, loved, loved it. I wasn't supposed to be rooting for Killmonger but I enjoyed Michael B Jordan's portrayal. Great work all around. Danai was brilliant as always.

May - On the 4th I went with my Boo Heather to see U2. They did such a great job and the Boo was happy. To see her happy makes my day every time. It's rare to have such a best friend for so long. May 12 we went with Boo to see Pointfest. Candlebox was really good. The reboot of Stone Temple Pilots was interesting. Shinedown was the surprise of the night for me because I thoroughly enjoyed their set. The night wrapped with the reboot of Alice In Chains. It meant a lot to me to be there for Heather and watch her experience bands she'd loved so much. It was a great night.

The 18th was going to be dinner and a movie with Deadpool 2 but absolutely everyone backed out. It made me so sad but eventually just Jen and I went. It kicked ass so I was over it. May 25 me, Jen and Heather Boo went to see Ghost. I remember I was excited to get tickets and get row X cause I felt it was kinda cool to get seats where we'd be able to see the whole show but if I could go back I'd have gotten us closer but I felt the show was amazing minus being farther away than anyone of us wanted to be. I feel like I let them down by getting tickets that far away, but we had a good time.


June ended fairly awesomely. On the 22nd we went to dinner with Meg at Twisted Ranch. The food was delicious and then we headed to see Jurassic World 2. It was a good watch but too heart breaking when the brontosaurus crumbles into his death. I'll never again watch it but I'm glad I saw it because I love the franchise.

Winning

I am addicted to winning things. It started when I was young. I'd heard about calling a radio station and I called thinking I wouldn't win but I did. I was like 10 or 11 I believe. I won this clock that spoke the time and I wanted my granny (RIP Myrtle♥) to have it because she couldn't see so well. SO, I won quite a bit in my teens. So much so that I learned that there were time limits when you win something. Most is like - you're restricted for 30 days to make it fair for everyone. I took a break for quite awhile until this past December. I won like every other day. I think I listened to every radio station in Saint Louis. Sigh. Then the recent shit I went through... I paused.

I'm back at it. I got an email that I won tickets to AWOL Nation next Wednesday. Today I got a message that I won a picnic basket filled with goodies for the Tower Grove pride so I'm excited. I'm mostly hoping today or tomorrow to win tickets to Panic at the Disco though. SIGH. Pretty please (prayer hands).

January 2018 - March 2018

Going to catch up my year for posterity sake.

January was fairly uneventful but toward the end I had a nasty bout of pneumonia. It was gross. I wasn't able to keep much down and it took a lot out of me.

February I was in a virtual hit and run accident. The guy left the scene but returned. He left because he didn't speak English. He had no license, no insurance, admitted to speeding, running a red light and not even seeing me. :( He got several tickets but my pinky was slightly broken and my car was totaled. I was stupid and underinsured so - I'm left with every ounce of responsibility. I bought my cousin's car for $1200 and it's set me financially off track. Not to mention it has over 200,000 miles so it's a cash machine. SIGH.

A good note was on February 3rd Heather invited me on a road trip to Evansville, Indiana to see Bullet for my Valentine and Avenged Sevenfold. We were able to do some VIP activities and it was fun but a bit rushed as we wanted close up at the show. We were able to get front row on Zack's side so the night was long but fun. I'm definitely glad we went. I really had a blast.

March 2018: March 3 I saw a long time musical hero of mine, Jonny Craig. I took Jen, Heather, Charlie and Ally because I wanted them to see what I thought would be a fun show, but emotionally I was quite sure I wouldn't be okay given how much I love and admire him. I couldn't afford his VIP package so I was kind of whining about it before the show and someone said "There he is over there" and pointed to a table. So I hesitated slightly not wanting to violate his time/privacy but damn it, he's been "there" for me so much so I hated to but had to intrude. He was humble as I told him all that his music meant to me and then I asked if I could get a pic with him and he said something to the gist of "Since I do a VIP I don't do other meet & greets until after the show but please find me after." I totally respected that. Went back up where Heather held down my 1st-ish/2ndish row spot and we weathered through several bands who I couldn't care less for. No disrespect as they all mean something to another fan but me? I had tunnel vision. He was all I could see or hear or at least all I wanted to. He joined Kyle Lucas for their duet of I Still Feel Her (part 5) so that helped me get through easier. His set  - I was just lost as he didn't play but 2 of my favorite favorites so I was relieved as I cry during most of my favorites because they hold a place or event I've recovered from to me and I feel like I go through them again. Still I was moved by the performance as his voice does the equivalent of a thunderstorm to my nerves. It lets me feel peace for even a few minutes and at times I even am able to forget whatever pain I'm having. Stupid, I know. I can't explain it. The pain obviously isn't gone but it's less of a focus. SO anyway toward the beginning of the set he did grab my hand for a few moments and held it. I had to later hear confirmation to make sure I didn't imagine that but apparently Ally & Charlie screamed, so... I could write for days upon days and just blabber but I'll move along. Heather and I re-met up with Jen, Ally and Charlie and when they were all together I bolted to go find him. There were 3 lines forming and 2 were in front of him and it looked like the other was for merch but - I'm not incredibly patient and I needed to be near him so within a minute I was directly in front of him. So we hugged and he said he was glad I came to find him. He advised we take a "silly" picture together and we did and then we were just talking about being healthy and taking care of ourselves because we've both had life or death issues despite different situations. Then he held my hand and said "Listen, you have to take care of yourself always. If you don't, there'll be no one to support me and we need each other." I was and am even crying thinking of it. I promised, we hugged again and then I rejoined my family and broke down for a bit. It was a night I will forever be grateful that I went. I absolutely love that man with all of his faults. He remains my favorite singer and my favorite human outside of my close friends/family.

March 13 Jen, Heather and I headed to our 3rd Motionless in White show in Columbia MO at the BlueNote and I am so happy I'd bought the VIP tickets for Heather's bday because for so many reasons we'd have regretted not going. This was our 3rd MIW show. The 1st was with Little Miss Nasty and In This Moment at the Pageant on June 28, 2017. The 2nd was at Pops October 20. Heather bought us VIP tickets for my bday. So this VIP was fun as the other was and being in VIP we got front row. The show at the BlueNote was with Like Moths to Flames, Ice Nine Kills and Every Time I Die. The other groups were cool but I'm usually just anxious for the headliner esp with MIW since they put on such a great show. It was as great as always. Knowing now that Devin would leave the band, I'm glad we did VIP. I will feel his loss during Warped Tour as he's the only real artistic musician in that band. He doesn't just play bass, he's actually a performance art piece and I'll miss that level of devotion and his ability to get guitar picks to me when I ask. (THANKS for nothing Ryan ;) ). I see nothing else in my planner.